My enthusiasm and my exhaustion. Cuffed to each other like greasy inmates. I had this dream where you told me you wanted to be a lion tamer, Rachael wrote recently. My experience of living is shifting so quickly I need props. Got me a whip and chair. Got me an MM beast to dance with and tickle-tame. My seat was slippery. My fingers could not curl.
Living differently already, my mind struggled to register what my body knew. So some pulpy experiences. I stopped driving in a small town in upstate NY. It had been raining dramatically Lcl a la carte simulation dating entire day. I woke the next morning with deep bone ache, fever and gummy eyes.
At a deep discount. Instead of disappointment, another barrier melts. I had just finished chemo a few days before.
And I tried to get to the gala, in the way I knew best. So I grew my heart, and shrank my judgement. My intimacy with myself expands. The split in myself slowly seals.
Yellow reminds me of turmeric. A visit from Shamim and Hanan. A Remission Rock from Bobcat. A NADA fashion show. Another eye infection as payment. A with my eggs. A dream of zygotes. An interview with Anne Michaels. A revival of my brain. Oil of oregano and travel to new old world Buenos Aires to prepare metaphysically for the next chapter of treatment, thanks to Dr.
Sol Vichez and Ambassador Viswanathan. One month to the day of the MM5KWalk. I put on my Mongolian Vest and gathered with fellow lion tamers. The mood was buoyant Yellow. I recall purple bloom of jacaranda trees in Buenos Aires.
Something stirred and lifted. Molly Bloom thoughtfully gifts Dr Donna Reece, a gorgeous painting which suspiciously resembles mine and Bobcat's potential zygote. Gracias to everyone throwing themselves against this new frontier. This research chair at Princess Margaret is buying us MM club members time.
My stem cell procedure begins on Monday. Bobcat buzzed my head on Friday. The harvesting of my cells starts with an Lcl a la carte simulation dating dose of chemo.
So, thanks to Bobcat and his professional clippers, no more barriers to suffer. I can transcend now. From the inside out. I love the idea of incorporating ritual into this stem cell purfication every morning. Of drawing liner over my eyes and dabbing outrageous gloss in the middle of my bottom lip.
And I will meditate on my breath every morning. live well and with precision. I got up and danced after Bobcat shaved me.
I like the feeling of movement on my scalp. Might help with the the drug bills. I may have to be on medication for the rest of my life. This calls for a poll- with fellow MM club members, not just oncologists. There are options that only another patient can illuminate. I want to caulk the gap between us. Keep you close during my practise. Practise of a new way of life. It is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.
Thanks for your patience fellow Yellow diarists. Even on my tumblestack days. National Stem Cell Awareness week just ended on the 21st. Get in touch with onematch.
And beso to Elrica Saw for her gift. And thanks Shuvo for the hint: T-cell levels correlate with that amused feeling! Thanks David and Molly for the possibility.
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